WHY everything we experience in life helps us ON the way, and is not IN the way

We’ve all experienced it – we go on a fabulous holiday, loving life to the full, enjoying happy times with family and friends, then one day return to the dreary world of stark reality, work, routines… “Oh S%*t! How did I become even more depressed than before?”

Believe me, I’ve even had friends that shed tears returning to the ‘real world.’ Heck, I even remember booking “after holiday holidays.” That’s when you book a holiday for after the holiday to ensure you curb the post-holiday depression.

But why am I starting with post-holiday blues? It all started with a conversation I had with a friend tonight. She contacted me by email sharing the struggles she faced going back to work after a long holiday with family.

This friend worked hard all year missing her family and at the end of the year saved up enough money to go overseas to Philippines and visit them. It was filled with joy, adventure and plenty of heartfelt moments. So when she got back, she found it difficult by herself, isolated working in a distant foreign country. She questioned her abilities and fell into a pit of ‘negative’ thinking.

I could have gone two ways with this. I could have said, “Look at the bright side of things, fill your mind with positive thoughts, ignore those dreaded feelings…” But I didn’t.


Rather than tell her these things, words within from Demartini came out:

“Everything we experience in life is ON the way, not IN the way.”

Everything life throws at us helps us ON the way to where we would like to go in life. Whether “good” or “bad,” it helps us ON the way towards our life purpose and doesn’t have to be IN the way.


But often, we only desire to experience the good times, the good feelings, the fun, the parties, the highlights. It’s not so easy to embrace the struggles, the challenges, the disappointments, the sadness, and the hard work.  We often run away from these or label them as IN the way.

The conundrum we face is that LIFE in all its fullness is not one sided. If so, we’d be robbing ourselves of rich experiences. The most challenging, unpleasant aspects of our life we try to run away from, may in fact be the most important for our souls’ evolution.


Dr Demartini said that maximum growth occurs at the border of support and challenge.

Many successful businesses succeed because of crucial lessons learned from failing. Demartini credits his massive success in studying, writing and speaking to the fact that his school teacher said he wouldn’t amount to anything due to his dyslexia. Suze Orman, Oprah’s money advisor, is grateful for the experience of losing $50,000 in her early years (she naively handed this over to a broker who lost everything.) Without that experience she wouldn’t have become America’s expert financial advisor.

Everyone knows that when you work hard or struggle to attain something, you appreciate it even more.


So instead of telling my friend to ignore the struggle, I asked her to give it meaning. How are those challenges at work helping her to become a better nurse and how will this help her get to her long term goal  – to work in Canada? It’s the Universe asking “How much do you want this?”

I encouraged her to fix her eyes on the goal. One day in the future, when is living in Canada,  she’d look back at this moment grateful for every part of the journey.

Having a vision of the long term goal, what you want to achieve in life and the difference you want to make in the world can transform mundane or difficult experiences into something significant.


So ask yourself:

How does this challenge serve me?

How does this difficulty help me to live my life purpose?

What did I gain?

Perhaps making mistakes at work is an opportunity to fine tune your skills in an area.

Perhaps working amongst colleagues that don’t always agree with you, opens up your mind to see multiple points of view.

If you can’t think of any benefits, it’s because you are not searching enough. Write at least 10 benefits.


Remember everything that happens in your life – good and bad – takes place in your life to give you the opportunity to grow. It is the Universe believing you are ready for the next step.


When I returned to work, I asked myself, “How is this mundane task helping me fulfil my inspired destiny?”  One of my life time goals is to become an international speaker. So instead of falling into the habit of speaking robotically to clients over the phone, I took it as an opportunity to develop my skills in speech.


Inspirational speaker Benjamin Harvey wanted to be a coach but was stuck in a mundane corporate job. He would practise his coaching skills when interacting with employees and now earns $76,0000 in one day.

Stephanie Meyer was an ordinary mother who wrote in the evenings when her daughters were tucked into bed late at night. She managed to turn her stories into an international bestseller.

Louise Hays says every job you have is providing you with a skill that will help you in what you truly desire to do in life. You just need to transcend your reality by linking it to your vision.


If you don’t know what your life goal is, ask your soul within. You may not get an answer straight away, but over time you will discover it. It may be to make people laugh, brighten people’s lives with your talents, or to make a difference in the world through something you invented.


Remember, the challenges, the difficulties and the struggles don’t have to be IN your way. You have the choice to see every obstacle as an opportunity to help you ON the way to your life purpose.


If you want to know more about coaching, contact anna@valuelifecoaching.com